|July 31, 2001. Little 2 month old Bailey|
Friday was literally the absolute worst day of our lives. I knew it would be incredibly sad and painful, but I had no idea. I'm almost embarrassed by how hard I'm taking it. We were able to have a vet come to our home so that she would not be stressed in her last moments. It couldn't have gone better. We believe it was the perfect timing. Her life had recently crossed over to having more discomfort than joy. We saw a rainbow. All signs and experience pointed to it being the right decision on the right day.
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison
Yesterday (Saturday) I was walking our other dog, Jodie (a 12 year old Alaskan Malamute) and we passed by a retired couple's home that I talk to frequently. The woman asked how Jodie was. I said pretty good, but slowing down with age. The woman unexpectedly said something about how hard it was to let pets go at the end. I started bawling. Very ugly crying. When I told them about Bailey, they were so kind and said they thought it was harder to let a dog go than to let people go.
Now my days stretch out ahead of me, and I don't know what to do with myself. Taking care of Bailey had crept in to be a big part of my daily life. Only now do I realize how much my routine revolved around being there for her. I feel pathetic and grieved and lost and relieved.
I miss Bailey so much. I hope I can stop bursting into tears soon.
I guess my mental energy and my time will open back up now. Maybe I'll start painting more again.
|10" x 10" x .5" acrylic on canvas|